I wrote this monologue this week. It relates to me in a way but not completely!
My throat hurts today
And…Well … I’ve got a lot on my mind
More like a couple people on my mind.
Yea…
I guess I should talk about it because I’ve already started talking about it I had a feeling today like I’ve made a lot of mistakes with boys and I guess “men” also. Yeah … men!
I’ve always had morals, but I feel that maybe I started looking for attention too early and I think …… I don’t want to sound cliché, but yea I never grew up with my father, he wasn’t present during my most important years! The times when I needed him the most, so I feel that now I let boys or “men” take advantage of me. No! This isn’t some runaway’s story; my mother and I defiantly have our issues, but I mean… Ugh okay! It’s hard to explain my first boyfriend was about seven years older than me, he treated me pretty good, and I liked our relationship because, we didn’t do anything too serious, just kissed and watched TV. I hate the fact that as we get older our relationships get more complicated. Then there were the boys that met me one day and clearly just wanted to get into my pants! And I never let them, but although I was young I was lonely. I’ve been with my boo now for at least two years, and with him I’ve done things I never thought I would do. I haven’t really regretted them because were still together, and I guess he treats me pretty good SOMETIMES! But other times I feel he takes advantage of me, just because I love him, and he knows I’ll do anything for him; that was my mistake I should have never let him know that. Brandon was the only boy that kinda sorta broke my heart. I liked him a lot, and I think we were pretty good together; I cheated on my boyfriend with him and in return he shitted on me for my best friend. Ha! Funny! I call it Karma! Brandon was my first, and my last! No one knows he was my first. I thought it was our little secret but he told his friend…. Stupid Boy! That’s how information gets around. I’m not worried I have a pretty unsmudged reputation! But I know I miss him, and I keep comparing him to my boo. I’m in love with my boo. L-O-V-E! Whew! I gave him money, and I think my cousin found out and told my mom. She told me “don’t be stupid, and give men money” I feel stupid, I wonder if he had it right now and I needed it, would he deprive himself of it and give it to me? I doubt it, so now I’m thinking even though Brandon kinda sorta broke my heart, would he ever take money from me? Yea I’m thinking a lot! I just want to be loved completely without all these extra complications. I want to go back to my first relationship when we just kissed and watched T.V, and I wasn’t worried that he’d leave me like my father, even though he did.
